Test Drive: Life in the Fast Lane

Sometimes life just takes a crap on you.

I hurt my neck, I total my car, the other car breaks down, I am in testing hell at school, and. . .well, it could be worse.

I realize this as I watch family members battle with cancer, kids I teach not have a Christmas because their parents haven't worked in months, friends whose spouses are going to the Middle East to fight this damn war. I really have it pretty good.

To describe myself as religious wouldn't be accurate. I am more of a spiritual person. Structured religion hasn't been a priority for me for the last decade. (Ironic, I know, considering my brother's chosen vocation.) I believe in God, but I question when people say God had a different plan for someone. . .What makes a person who lies, cheats, and steals be able to live a healthy life while people who live their lives according to Him get sick or have horrible things happen to themselves and their families. And I don't believe the old adage that God won't give you more than you can handle because sometimes a rain cloud settles on a person or family and it just starts pouring. There is evil in the world and God doesn't choose people for this evil to take hold of just because they are strong or have courage or faith. . .

What I know is that God did put people on this earth that can help others. I don't have much, but I do have my words, and I will give a kind word to anyone who has ears to listen or eyes to read them. I want to help these kids at school no matter how much they drive me crazy. Most of all, I want anyone who thinks that life just sucks right now, to remember someone might just have it worse. . .or if you are that person that has it worse, there is someone out there that just might be willing to listen or share themselves with you whether it's through religion, spirituality, or just a cup of coffee.

What I am really trying to say is, Merry Christmas. . .and remember, next year is just around the corner. It will get better.

From the "That was a stupid thing to do" files. . .

You know those big signs they post in front of thrill rides. . ."Don't ride if you have neck/back problems." They mean it, and I learned the hard way. I mean, really, does a shuttle launch simulator sound that thrilling, that scary? During the ride at Kennedy Space Center in Orlando, FL, I was having a blast, giggling, smiling, not scared at all. Then I rode on some G-Force simulator that made me want to vomit, but didn't shake me around too much. Between those two things, I threw out my neck again and feel like I am back to square one. This time, however, I get a bonus. . .MIGRAINES! Yeah. All after trying to convince J. Disney World with our unconceived (no, we are not trying) child and her/his big brother in the next several years. Guess who will now be abstaining from most rides. Yeah. Guess we will have to stick to the beaches of Jamaica. That's fine with me. ;)

The last several weeks have dealt me disappointment and happiness. My 30th birthday was less than thrilling. I celebrated with my family. I was a little sad that I was let down, but I lived with it. I knew in a couple weeks, I would be visiting my stepson, and that meant more than any birthday celebration. It was incredible to see him and surprise him for Thanksgiving, which we celebrated by watching three losses in the basketball tournament. All is well though. The guys proved they can play any team in any conference competitively, and that's what counts at the beginning of the season. Sienna lost all three in the same tourney and went to the Dance.

I am realizing that I love my job and hate it at the same time. I love the kids (most days), my colleagues (mostly), and making a difference (as cliche as that sounds). I hate the politics. I hate feeling unappreciated, but I know this is where I belong.

I am looking forward to Christmas break, which I will spend with friends and family, some physically present, and some in my heart. Christmas has become less and less about Santa and gifts for me (although I love giving gifts). It's not so much spiritual, but it's really about knowing that are people in the world that would give anything for what I have, and I need to be grateful. I could spend blog post after blog post listing my ailments, losing sleep over missing the boy, and wrestling with other demons, but I am really lucky. I have so many people who stand by me no matter what.

I am done with New Year's resolutions that focus on the physical (the weight from the 2007 resolution hasn't gone away, folks.) This year I am going to focus on making positive mental changes in my life. So much negativity surrounds me, and I often play into that. I will focus on the good. I will focus on my family, my writing, and helping kids who really need and want my help.

I am looking forward to 2010.