Test Drive: Life in the Fast Lane

I was a music geek in high school, but not a gleek. I know my fans on the karaoke circuit will be shocked (ha), but I was not the choir girl (once choir required auditions), but I was the band geek. I always rationalized that the choir teacher just wanted me to be in orchestra, and that's why I didn't make the musical chorus. At least that's what they told me. . .

Despite my merely adequate vocal abilities (I'm not tone deaf, but I am not trying out for "Idol"), I love to take my turn at the mike. Karaoke provided a solace for my semi-shyness, that was almost extinguished by the time I graduated from high school, but was still known to creep up again in awkward social situations or around new people. Prior to my teen years, I was incredibly shy. Junior high was a time of torment that I would rather not relive. (Yes, I realize the irony as I teach middle school.) Singing allowed me to become an actress, a comedian, an imitator. I didn't have the pipes like my two best friends, but I had the charm, and I could make 'em laugh.

The "American Idol" fad never drew me in. Sure, I love Carrie, I sing along with Clarkson on the radio, but I don't even know what Kris Allen sings, and Adam Lambert can leave his gyrating to awards shows that I don't watch. I got my performance fix from occasional newer movie musicals like "Chicago", "Rent" (much better on stage, mind you), "Dreamgirls" (I do love idol Hudson in this one), and "Moulin Rouge". Then there was "Glee".

"Glee" takes every high school stereotype and blows it up, making it laughable, lovable, and. . .well, musical. How can you not love "Glee"? I am caught up in the high school age comedic drama like I am a sixteen year old band geek/choir reject again, and I find myself laughing the next day when students ask me, "Mrs. S., did you watch Glee!?" It gives me a little connection with my musical-type students that is a little cooler than singing their show choir songs with them in ninth hour. (Come on, who can resist a little Les Mis sing-along?)

I identify with Rachel's struggle to fit in, Will's wanting to do everything he possibly can for his students, Sue's annoyance with her students (ok---I am not THAT bad), Finn's choices between right and wrong--one path or another. The best part about "Glee" though is the music. I wait for every episode to see what they will sing next, their spins on some classic favorites and new tunes as well. "Glee" making Journey cool again is a gift to a whole new generation. "Glee" showcasing old school Madonna next week may just make me pull out the "Immaculate Collection".

Am I a "gleek"? I'd say so. Bring on the showtunes.

"Does anyone have a cure for apathy?"

A colleague posed this question at a meeting the other day. The question was rhetorical, but the problem is real. Indifference is becoming an epidemic. It's not just spring fever, kids. It's been there since day one, but now I think there is no figurative medicine that can stop apathy from overtaking the very core of who the lackluster individual is. Eh. I just don't care. I'm not going to do it. Why does it matter? Someone else will take care of it.

It's not just middle-schoolers though. It's adults too.

It concerns me that people go without basic necessities in this country and often die as a result. It's not always because they are apathetic and refuse to pay for care that they can afford with a little bit of cutting out the non-necessities. It's not always because they refuse to get a job. There are elderly people who have worked their whole lives and now have to decide, take my medicine or eat today? What is more important. But some adults don't care. It doesn't matter. It doesn't affect me.

It bothers me that some parents feel that once their kids start walking, they can fend for themselves. Parenting. Is. Done. Riiight. Being a parent never stops. Just ask my mom and dad. I may not need their financial or housing support anymore, but I need to hear "I am proud of you" and "I love you". It feels great when I hear it too. I don't think you can ever care too much about your kids. Sometimes it's hard to let go and let them become adults, but even when they seem like they want nothing to do with you, they really want you to care and be proud. I remember, and as a teacher, I see it every day.

If you are going to be apathetic about something, care a little less about who celebrities are sleeping with and who is cheating on who and where you shop and what brand-name shoes you are wearing. Stuff I pay attention to from time to time. Sure. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit that (stay tuned for the cure for hypocrisy blog). Care a little less about what religion someone else believes in. Doesn't it just matter that we are good people, whether it's Allah, Buddha, God, or nothing?

It's just about giving a crap about someone, something, and life in general. Find something to care about that matters.

I wish I were. . .
I wish I had. . .
I wish. . .

Today, I am thankful for what is. I am thankful that I have a husband that supports me, laughs with me, and cries with me. He is my best friend, and I am the luckiest woman on earth.

I am thankful for a career that I really enjoy. Even though it seems like I am the stressed beyond belief this time of year, I love working with my students and colleagues. I got into this business to make a difference.

I am thankful for food. Silly, yes, but what's a few pounds added on when I can taste the magnificent delicacies cooked up by my husband or discovered at some of our favorite haunts.

Life is good, and today I am thankful for what I have.

Sometimes life just takes a crap on you.

I hurt my neck, I total my car, the other car breaks down, I am in testing hell at school, and. . .well, it could be worse.

I realize this as I watch family members battle with cancer, kids I teach not have a Christmas because their parents haven't worked in months, friends whose spouses are going to the Middle East to fight this damn war. I really have it pretty good.

To describe myself as religious wouldn't be accurate. I am more of a spiritual person. Structured religion hasn't been a priority for me for the last decade. (Ironic, I know, considering my brother's chosen vocation.) I believe in God, but I question when people say God had a different plan for someone. . .What makes a person who lies, cheats, and steals be able to live a healthy life while people who live their lives according to Him get sick or have horrible things happen to themselves and their families. And I don't believe the old adage that God won't give you more than you can handle because sometimes a rain cloud settles on a person or family and it just starts pouring. There is evil in the world and God doesn't choose people for this evil to take hold of just because they are strong or have courage or faith. . .

What I know is that God did put people on this earth that can help others. I don't have much, but I do have my words, and I will give a kind word to anyone who has ears to listen or eyes to read them. I want to help these kids at school no matter how much they drive me crazy. Most of all, I want anyone who thinks that life just sucks right now, to remember someone might just have it worse. . .or if you are that person that has it worse, there is someone out there that just might be willing to listen or share themselves with you whether it's through religion, spirituality, or just a cup of coffee.

What I am really trying to say is, Merry Christmas. . .and remember, next year is just around the corner. It will get better.

From the "That was a stupid thing to do" files. . .

You know those big signs they post in front of thrill rides. . ."Don't ride if you have neck/back problems." They mean it, and I learned the hard way. I mean, really, does a shuttle launch simulator sound that thrilling, that scary? During the ride at Kennedy Space Center in Orlando, FL, I was having a blast, giggling, smiling, not scared at all. Then I rode on some G-Force simulator that made me want to vomit, but didn't shake me around too much. Between those two things, I threw out my neck again and feel like I am back to square one. This time, however, I get a bonus. . .MIGRAINES! Yeah. All after trying to convince J. Disney World with our unconceived (no, we are not trying) child and her/his big brother in the next several years. Guess who will now be abstaining from most rides. Yeah. Guess we will have to stick to the beaches of Jamaica. That's fine with me. ;)

The last several weeks have dealt me disappointment and happiness. My 30th birthday was less than thrilling. I celebrated with my family. I was a little sad that I was let down, but I lived with it. I knew in a couple weeks, I would be visiting my stepson, and that meant more than any birthday celebration. It was incredible to see him and surprise him for Thanksgiving, which we celebrated by watching three losses in the basketball tournament. All is well though. The guys proved they can play any team in any conference competitively, and that's what counts at the beginning of the season. Sienna lost all three in the same tourney and went to the Dance.

I am realizing that I love my job and hate it at the same time. I love the kids (most days), my colleagues (mostly), and making a difference (as cliche as that sounds). I hate the politics. I hate feeling unappreciated, but I know this is where I belong.

I am looking forward to Christmas break, which I will spend with friends and family, some physically present, and some in my heart. Christmas has become less and less about Santa and gifts for me (although I love giving gifts). It's not so much spiritual, but it's really about knowing that are people in the world that would give anything for what I have, and I need to be grateful. I could spend blog post after blog post listing my ailments, losing sleep over missing the boy, and wrestling with other demons, but I am really lucky. I have so many people who stand by me no matter what.

I am done with New Year's resolutions that focus on the physical (the weight from the 2007 resolution hasn't gone away, folks.) This year I am going to focus on making positive mental changes in my life. So much negativity surrounds me, and I often play into that. I will focus on the good. I will focus on my family, my writing, and helping kids who really need and want my help.

I am looking forward to 2010.

I turned 30 years old 11 days ago, and it hasn't been too horrible. Since I haven't written here in awhile, I thought this would be the perfect time to write one of my infamous lists.

top 30 things about being 30 (no certain order. . .)

30. Young enough to lose a few pounds, old enough to not give a crap about a few extra pounds.
29. I am finally more than double my students ages and don't necessarily listen to the same music anymore. . .well, some of it.
28. I enjoy sitting in our awesome West Stadium seats at Husker games instead of sneaking over to the student section where I can only see about half the game.
27. New hair for my new decade
26. It seems like people take you more seriously at 30. Something about with age comes experience.
25. Cool co-workers that know how to embarrass the hell out of you but still make you laugh by posting facebook profile photos of you and cute sayings about being 30 all over the school.
24. Stephenie Meyer was 29 when she wrote her first book, Twilight, so I am not that far off.
23. Being able to afford to take awesome trips like going to Jamaica or traveling to watch your alma mater play in a basketball tournament
22. Planning for children
21. Being able to remember Michael Jackson when he was considered sexy and an icon beyond media madness and craziness
20. Developing a tougher skin when people disappoint you (over and over again)
19. Being able to reconnect with friends you haven't seen in years and not recall why you lost touch (and not care)
18. Waking up every day with my best friend. . .
17. . . .and man's best friends, my doggies
16. Getting invited to more kid bday parties than adults', and enjoying them
15. Being able to retire in 25 years ;)
14. Not working a second job so we can leave town occasionally when the cold weather gets to be too much
13. To go with #14, not starting Christmas in Oct. this year
12. Having friends younger than you that you can help through 30
11. Having friends older than you that let you know how awesome it would be
10. Being young enough to enjoy YA literature but also sit down and read the newspaper cover to cover
9. Creighton basketball with my husband. . .and not missing a home game this year (goal)
8. Sharing a milestone birthday with Sesame Street
7. Having my family be healthy and safe
6. Having fun without drinking all night. . .and being hungover the next morning
5. Not going to the laundromat
4. Old pictures that remind you of your youth
3. Thinking this could be the start of the best year of your life
2. Vacations that I will be taking. . .when school is not in session, but still. . .
1. Being married to my best friend who will always be older than me. :)

It's just stuff.

Our storage room in our apartment flooded, ruining J's collection of baseball/basketball (the most heartbreaking for me)/football cards, and boxes of ornaments that I bought when I worked for Hallmark. Luckily, my childhood ornaments are still at my parents.

Between the insurance headaches (having to dig what I thought would be considered trash out of a dumpster), the apartment complex fixing the hole in the ceiling when the leak originated when I specifically requested they leave it be until Friday so the insurance guy could see it, and countless other annoyances, I am ready to go on vacation.

So I am. To visit one of my closest girl friends, who I miss dearly. It couldn't come at a better time because sometimes you just need a little girl time.

I guess I was always a guys' girl in high school, which was odd since I attended a private all girls' school. Most of my girl friends had lots of platonic guy friends, and I did too. Guys were easier to talk to. Guys never got jealous, they let you borrow their clothes and didn't care when they got them back, and they were always ready to go out without spending hours on their hair, dress, and makeup.

Despite feeling more comfortable with guys, I had a core group of girl friends. We would fight, but we'd get over it. When it comes to those good solid girl friends, what's in the past is in the past. Girl friends get things that guys don't always understand, or maybe girls don't always understand what guys seem to take at face value.

Case in point:

Guy wants to spend Friday night with his friends.

Guy meaning: I want to spend Friday night with my friends.
Girl meaning: He doesn't want to spend Friday night with me.

If one of my girl friends tells me this story, I will go with the guy meaning. However, if the case in point happens to me, I automatically jump to the girl meaning. Why? Because I am a girl. And girls get that. It may be irrational, but sometimes we need irrational. We need to cry. We need to vent our frustrations with men in this meat and potatoes world by drinking girly drinks with our girl friends and spending too much money on uncomfortable shoes. We need to blow things out of proportion like losing collectibles in a storage room flood and blame it on "the man" (not our man, but that metaphorical man we tend to blame things on). We need to go to yoga, run on the treadmill, eat healthy for a week, and then buy a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup SonicBlast (which has more than half an average person's daily calorie count) and eat it in under ten minutes. Because that's what girls do.

Sometimes I think it would be much easier to be a guy. More guy friendships are made when one guy beats up another guy, and then they are best friends. If a girl hit me in the face, I'd have a restraining order on her. Guys usually don't care as much about their hair or fashion, and they don't have to worry about makeup. Guys don't talk on the phone for hours to their buddies, which would save a lot of time. Guys don't read chick lit novels or spend money of pedicures or girly drinks. Guys don't cry at Kodak commercials or during Senior Night (every year) for their alma mater's basketball team. But, you know what? I wouldn't give it up. Despite the hair removal, blisters from heels, underwire issues, and moments of emotional turmoil, I like being a girl, and I love my girl friends.